today began really well with an early morning bike ride i hitched with one of the local staff. That, and a baby popped out first thing in the morning. everything seemed to be running smoothly with newborn care done at the mother’s side, and i had just begun to feel heady with adrenaline, congratulating myself at slipping so easily into the chaotic non-routine of work. i should have anticipated the snag the day had planned for me, because how is it possible that all should not be bumpy and up-hill? (i do have issues with exaggeration.)
there are speed bumps, and there are roads. when the bumps obliterate the road, you take a different route. that is the moral of the story. today, i have experienced the simple joy of being on a long road trip to destination of choice (work at grass root level, giving back to my land etc.) and the terribly discouraging speed bumps of being differently coloured, female, relatively young and open to suggestion. discrimination of any form still leaves a bad taste in my mouth primarily because i dont expect it from adults who otherwise behave as normally as its expected of anyone who lives in a closed of rural environment for more than 15 days. smack, it goes across my face leaving dull,painful red memory-prints across my mind. decision making is limited by where you are from, how old you are, how much experience you have had (which is only so justified) and finally, the limiting factor of how hassle free and relaxed about your ego you are. the more zen-like you try and become, the harder you try to be middle-path-y, the rock-ier the ride you’re in for. this, as a doctor, is terribly frustrating, because you spend years learning stuff the hard way, and if you cant save a life because someones ego is being hurt by your speaking up, the level of frustration climbs up to jumping-off-a-cliff level.
the saving grace.
like much else, you still hold the reins on the low road/high road choice. its still your choice. so there are all these speed bumps, and after months of travel back and forth on a literally and metaphorically bumpy non-road, i have come to the conclusion that its time to take a different route. being stick-jaw-like in my obstinacy, i refuse to give up my ultimate dream of rural work, of feeling like i’m actually working at making a difference, in my own microscopic way. i refuse to stop feeling a happy glow of fortune that i was elbowed into medicine by academically conscious parents (ha ha, they didn’t expect THIS). i’ll just be coming around the mountain, holding my nose from behind my ear and other such gymnast like activities.
in other news, i have learnt to count from one to ten in italia from some italian colleagues working in chhattisgarh. of all places. hell, i can even sing ‘buongiorno!’ in the trademark lullaby lilt that consumes their sentences and charms the ear.
on call, and hoping that the ladies of the forest hold their babies inside them long enough to give me a few solid hours of sleep. id better limit my blog-venting and curl up next to my hopelessly smart phone, dreaming of not waking up to phone calls from the hospital.
retiring from this narcisisstic sounding, but therapeutic rant now. if you have been listening, i am truly grateful. shabba khair!
Related articles
- Indravati National Park Chhattisgarh – A Dwelling Place for the Wildlife of Chhattisgarh (greatindianjourney.wordpress.com)
- Four CRPF jawans killed in Maoist attack in Chhattisgarh (ndtv.com)
- Watch! Chhattisgarh is no beggar, Modi reminds Congress at poll rally (niticentral.com)
The Nomad in Spirit 