Running and Rudiments

I have been wanting to write about my running, but I kept feeling like I wasn’t running enough to write about it. Like I needed to clock in some more serious miles, before my words could mean enough.
Then today’s run set me free from the mini-whirlpool of thoughts sucking all my peace of mind.
I can only speculate what it is about running that does that. The feeling of the solid ground passing beneath my feet, the release of endorphins, the focusing on breathing or the acute awareness of form that I have been working at developing. I just know that every run brings me back to base, reminds me of who I am and the direction in which I want to head. Its also restores faith in my body’s ability.
And the biggest thing I have derived from all the running, is to be Fearless.
It is the only way to be.

Cannot form the right sentences to express just what I need to say, but as songs do some times, this has come to my rescue.
I have come to believe, that true freedom lies in deriving happiness from within, and begins with actually being at peace with yourself, loving who you are and working with that to move towards who you want to be.
Finding that balance between being confident while attempting to be objective about your flaws.

I am so grateful to the people in my life who still believe in me. Coach comes through to give you exactly what you need when you least expect it, and without asking for it.I hope I find a way to thank him some day.

See, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
But, at least I am free.

YUWA India: Empowering girls in India

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running away with Running

Every morning I fight with myself, wrestle with my inertia, shun all the plausible logic that my slothful brain hurls at me, simply in an effort to get out of bed. Its still dark outside, the grandparents tea isn’t ready for me to steal a sip from yet, and I swear every reason I can think of is right there for me NOT to go for that run. Experience has taught me to put on my shoes despite everything. Everyone in the house has express instructions to push me out of the house and close the door behind me. Everyday I walk to the starting point feeling apprehensive, wondering if I’ll disappoint myself today. I find myself trying to gauge what my knees are feeling like, gingerly feeling for rubbery legs, mentally preparing myself for possibly just an okay-but-not-outstanding-run, scared that it will disappoint me into not repeating the routine tomorrow.

I can tell you, at the end of NO run have i ever regretted those lost minutes of sleep, that pre-wakefulness scuffle with myself.

With every meter that I run, things begin to fall into perspective, the sweat seems to wash out some cobwebs, and an internal dialogue begins to give me a sense of control over battles that I can pick.

Outside of my mind, I am gasping for breath, grimacing, trying to correct my posture, breathe from my diaphragm, struggling to make the next step fall well. Inside, the jigsaw begins to put itself in order.

Coach says when I run faster, push myself towards my potential, out of my comfort pace, the flaws in my form fall away. That the downward slope, the easier run is the time to introspect, straighten out your form, the upward slope is what tests it.

To me, that sounds astoundingly like an analogy to things in general.

I’m no ace athlete training for the next big marathon. I just run, because at age five my father began dragging me out with him on his circuit, ignoring my cranky complaints about aching ears, teaching me to breathe in rhythm BEFORE i fell short of breath. At some point I forgot to complain and became addicted to the endorphin release.

I’m still struggling to get out of bed every morning. Sometimes, I manage to convince myself that my excuse for not planting my feet on the road was valid. But every time I tell myself, it wont be valid tomorrow.

When everything else is difficult, the easiest thing to do is tighten your laces and be grateful that you can run. That you remember how to push yourself.

Keep running.

(next time will be less heavy on the sentiments, I promise!)